Neighbourhood Watch

It’s eleven minutes after midnight and my neighbours have been having a screaming match in the street for the past hour and a half. The police have been. Twice. The second time they blocked the road and spent a lot of time with the mad couple. I’d just got back from work and had to drive across the kerb to get to my house.

The police calmed everyone down and left. Soon after, just now in fact, I heard a car rev up and then a loud crumping thump–the kind a vehicle collision makes. I look out of the window and see the silly bitch who’s been screaming–and I mean screaming liking a mental patient–get out of the car she’s just reversed at high speed into someone’s front door. Both the back of the car and the old lady’s porch are smashed up pretty bad.

Drivergirl’s friend/sister was outside going, “What the fcuk are you trying to do?” Mad bitch replied, “I’m trying to kill myself. I don’t want to live with you any more. I’m going to kill myself.” Then she ran off towards the field at the end of the street repeating, “I’m going to kill myself.”

The sister stood there in tears and various neighbours are now standing in the street phoning emergency services. I know exactly who they’re calling and what they’re saying because they are doing it at the tops of their voices. No one seems able to talk in a normal voice. The self-absorbed suicidal bitch looked to me like an attention seeking spoilt brat. Now the blue flashing lights are here again so I’m off to have another look.

00:13 hrs:
No less than four police cars this time blocking the whole road. She’s going down, I guess. If they find her. Shouldn’t be too hard the amount of hysterical shouting she does.

We’ve got an ambulance too.

God I hate these people. The stupid neighbours, that is. Anyone who screams hysterically like that should have just been sectioned–taken off to the loony bin and kept in a straightjacket. Now they’re wasting valuable police time–those are probably the only three cars in this area–and the ambulance crew’s night.

For perspective, one ambulance covers a population of around 120,000 in this area. So while they’re dealing with this silly little twit, someone in serious trouble might be dying. It makes me really mad.


I hear sirens in town, so maybe there are other police cars on duty tonight after all. It’s that crazy time of year.

Sheesh again.

We’re down to two police cars now and no ambulance. Plus they’ve got the SUV out of the neigbour’s front door and off their garden. You already knew it was an SUV didn’t you? (Rhetorical question.)

She was thinking that she’d fcuk with her boyfriend’s/family’s head/s and get some attention. I suspect she’s on something. And it’s not decaff.

They all need to mellow out. They set fire to the stolen truck that was parked here last week and the fire brigage had to come and put it out.

We’re down to three police cars again and the neighbours can’t open their shed door because the wall is buckled inwards. Charming.

No sign of loonytunes herself yet though. Her cat’s around somewhere, going through trashcans, ripping binliners and strewing rubbish around the street. Nice. They say owners grow to look like their pets, but tonight is a step beyond.

We’re down to zero police cars and a group of old women standing around the neighbour’s broken front wall, gossiping and tutting. The neighbourhood witches. They’re probably passing the eye from one to another so they can scry it all out better. The SUV hasn’t moved, so I presume it’s fcukd. I’d laugh but it’s probably not the mad bich’s and no doubt belongs to someone else.

It’s started raining. End of excitement. Bed time for the sane people.


Next day (December 19th, morning):
The builders came at the crack of dawn, fixed the neighbour’s door and cleared away the rubble. The SUV has vanished and all that remains is some broken (tail light) glass and a rather short wall. Plus some tutting old women.


Two days later (December 21st):
I saw the aforementioned SUV today, parked in the loony neighbour’s drive. The rear is all smashed in with the window smashed and the driver’s door is buckled in too. It seems they successfully drove diagonally sideways into a low wall while they were reversing into someone else’s front door. Their insurance is going to be so extortionate that they may never drive again.

It is right to laugh now. In fact, it’s unavoidable.


Three days later (December 22nd):
Today I drove out to get a Christmas tree. I took a shortcut through a nearby council estate (read ‘housing project’ for the US, although the houses are actually pretty decent). I drove past the run down shops and, lo and behold, there was the wrecked SUV–dumped there with ‘Police Aware’ stickers all over it.

The useless bags of siht who live near me have driven it a mile down the road and walked away from it, or more likely driven away in one of their other cars. No doubt they’ll claim the damage was done by joyriders and at some point they’ll torch it for the insurance. The fire brigade will be called out at the expense of local taxpayers (eg. me).

The police will do nothing–I seriously doubt they’ll have even cross-checked their records to bother seeing whose car it is and how the damage occured. The fiasco the other night will have been written up as ‘a domestic disturbance’ and buried in a file.

The council will tow away the wreck, again at the local taxpayers’ expense. I doubt those responsible actually pay any local council taxes with four adults living in a one bedroom apartment, all of whom seem to own a car (four in the drive).

Moron woman will not only continue to scream at her boyfriend in the street and threaten suicide but also she’ll continue driving. Worse, having wasted a night of police time and caused considerable trouble and expense to the whole community, she’ll collect a big fat check from the insurance company.

I doubt her insurance will be affected except for an annual increment. Meanwhile honest people’s local taxes and insurance premiums will go up to pay for thousands of similar scams across the country.

These parasites make me sick. It’s not so much the damage and the insurance scamming. It’s the screaming at each other because they can’t communicate. It’s the way they involve a whole street because no one matters except them. It’s the inability to behave like adults; to take responsibility for their actions and respect other people.

End of rant.