Press cutting attached to a letter to the Watford Observer, December 12th 1993
The Piano (15) - Take away the ebony, ivory, strings, Holly Hunter, Harvey Keitel and Sam Neill, and you're left with a big wooden box (more or less). The Secret Garden (U) - Someone forgot the golden rule: never act with children or plants. The Snapper (15) - Alternatively described as (a) a fish, (b) a photographer, or (c) based on a Booker-prize winning novel. Take your pick.
Letter to the Watford Observer, December 12th 1993
Dear Mrs White [Go section editor],
I enclose 3 typical entries from this week’s Film Notes written by Keith Jefferies. None of them gives any information about the films; Mr Jefferies prefers instead to indulge in jokes of indescribable feebleness.
Do you think this matchless rubbish serves any useful purpose? It is baffling to those not interested in films and irritating to those who are. The annoying thing is that a proper guide, also indicating where the film in question is showing, would be genuinely useful.
ps. The Snapper is not, as Mr Jefferies appears to believe, a booker-prize winning novel. Its author recently won the prize for another book.
Watford Observer ‘Go’ section, dateline Friday December 17th, 1993
Addams Family Values (PG) - Disturbing, amusing and politically incorrect. The dead guys win. Aladdin (U) - Arabian adventure animated by Walt Disney. The hero wins. Demolition Man (15) - Frozen and defrosted into a politically correct future, Sylvestor Stallone shoots Wesley Snipes. Dirty Weekend (18) - Michael Winner rhymes with TV dinner and directs some passion and violence at the seaside. Hard Target (18) - Jean Claude Van Damme does what he does in another violent film. Hocus Pocus (PG) - A witch (Bette Midler) is brought back from the dea in Salem. The good guys win. Indochine (12) - Catherine Deneuve, Vincent Perez, exotic melodrama, Vietnam setting --I'll pass. Jurassic Park (PG) - Genetically-engineered dinosaurs run amok. The marketing men win. Letter To Go (U) - Peter Found's moving literary classic had this reviewer in tears (of laughter). Reservoir Dogs (18) - Matchless rubbish (much like these reviews) directed by Quentin Tarantino, a man with obvious talent (much like this reviewer) but some serious problems (which is where the similarity ends). Robin Hood--Men in Tights (PG) - Mel Brooks lampoons the merry men. So I Married An Axe Murderer (12) - Mike Myers is the gullible groom who must decide whether his beautiful bride is a psychotic loon. Sommersby (12) - Jodie Foster is the baffled bride who must decide whether her handsome husband (Richard Gere) is really her husband (?). Surf Ninjas (PG) - Indescribable feebleness prompts me to say this is an in-depth documentary into sun, sea and assassins. The Fugitive (12) - Harrison Ford runs away from the law. Tommy Lee Jones chases him. The Man Without A Face (12) - Mel Gibson directs a drama starring Mel Gibson as a horrifically scarred teacher. The Piano (15) - Surreal images struggle in vain to cover up the fact that this is a stupid film about the sexual frolics of a dumb pianist. Stars Holly Hunter, Sam Neill and Harvey Keitel. The Secret Garden (PG) - Fairy tale-type balderdash about an orphan girl who discovers the makings of an enchanted compost heap. UFO--The Movie (18) - The Snapper was alternately described as (a) a fish, (b) a photographer, or (c) based on a novel whose author won the Booker Prize for another book (thanks to P. Found of Oxhey for this useful information). UFO is a film with Roy 'Chubby' Brown.