Don’t Try This At Home Kids

Film making, that is. This is. With no money. Just talent, enthusiasm and youth. Haha. Whatever I had of any of those I’m definitely running short on at least two and the third is hiding under a rock. It’s hard to believe the neverending saga of screw ups when I am actually paying for some of these things. Maybe I have bad Feng Shui and need to start moving the furniture around.

Long story short: get to sound studios at 6.30. Spend first hour lining up project and untangling first minute of knotted audio tracks. Avid crashes. Reboot. Start again. The audio is a mess and needs major sorting out. Four hours later we’ve got halfway through the film (ie. eight minutes into it) and we’re out of time.

Hysterically funny (not) things to note:

Everything about the grading is unbelievably atrocious. All the images look washed out and overexposed. The perfectly photographed scene in the car showroom now has no blues or greens in it. It’s pink. And it looks fuzzy. I can’t think of any reason it would appear like this unless the DP and the grader violently hated each other.

The neg cutter has randomly replaced a shot of the lead actress reacting to her children miraculously vanishing near the end with a cutaway shot of… wait for it… an empty road. Oh, happy day! Oh, funny funny jape! I couldn’t believe it. Why? Why would someone do that? When they have a videotape in front of them to guide them shot by shot as well as an accurate edit decision list. Who in heaven’s name knows. I certainly don’t.

So, tomorrow: phone lab and get neg sent back to neg cutters. Phone neg cutters and tell them it needs putting right, pronto. Phone rerecording mixer and see if we can get more studio time this week to finish off track laying. Hell, not even the Dolby mix, just the freaking track laying. Phone director of photography and make gargling strangled noises. I figure I might have time for a nervous breakdown about 4.30am the following morning before grabbing an hours sleep and doing it all again.

Did I mention my car’s completely cuffed? It’s in the garage having the alternator replaced and they’ve snapped the rusted bracket which holds it in place. American Express direct debited approximately half the money I owe them from my account, thereby leaving me hanging as to whether they’ll transfer out the other half. The job I applied for in October last year is being readvertised but the people who interviewed me in November no longer work at the company. And so on and so forth.

I can tell you this much–the soundtrack of this film will be really great. No really it will. Especially with all the amazing strangled gargling noises I’m coming up with. Almost reminiscent of a Feng Shui fountain in a pool of tranquil carp–which I’m hunting with spear.