In the never-ending quest for inspiration I got in touch with some old friends recently. Firstly, though, I called the editor who’s helping with the never-ending saga of Fate & Fortune. No, it’s still not done yet. No, they can’t get into an edit suite. They’re working 16 hour days on a feature and it’s a long round of interminable screenings and minor changes and so on and on (and on). I wait and wait (and wait). Try not to scream.

Andy, the guy who did music for me, came round to pick up his copy of Last Train the other day. He brought round an Indian curry, a quality one, and we sat and chatted. It was good. I’ve said before, when Andy says something I always feel I should listen because he’s so often right, particularly when it’s about film making. This time he said, “When’s the screening? You’ve got to have a screening!” He is right. I’ve been holding out for Whatever Pictures to organise it but the reality is, it’s down to me. Like everything else.

I’ve been watching quite a few other short films lately, as well as entering Last Train in festivals. From what I’ve seen, I can honestly say that what I’m making seems to be a cut above what most of the competition is doing. I don’t want to get big headed and I’m trying hard not to, because I have seen some superb work, especially from Whatever (my coproducers), but on the whole, I think I’m doing pretty well. I guess we’ll see when Last Train actually gets into a few festivals. And when Fate & Fortune is finished.

I spoke to another friend, Ronni, a director/editor who has just finished producing a short film for someone else. In the space of four months her film is finished. Mine has taken more than two years. I shake my fist at the universe. I loaned Ronni a copy of Last Train and she sent me an email saying really nice things about it. I mean really nice. I was blown away. I need to get these things done. I need to move on.

Keep… pushing… boulder… up… hill…

So between them, Andy and Ronni made me feel like, yes, it’s all possible. Drink a can of Dr Pepper and bounce around the room on the caffeine buzz. I call Jill, who helped me start up a cable TV station years ago and who went on to work in motion pictures starting as an assistant to the producer on a little feature called Trainspotting. You may have heard of it.

Having worked on the production side for quite a few years now, Jill’s been directing a couple of shorts of her own. I actually catch her on the phone which is remarkable in itself given the amount of time she’s working or out of the country. It’s easier to get an audience with the Pope. We talk about directing. Her first short is finished, she has an agent and is now directing on a TV series called HollyOaks for UK Channel4. “Hey, that’s fantastic!” I exclaim (because it is). I’m genuinely pleased for her. “How did you get an agent?” I ask (because I want to know). “I invited them to my screening.” Doh.

Doh doh doh.

Yes, Andy was right. He’s always right. I need a screening. I scratch my head and wonder where I’ll find a list of agents. Ping! A light bulb goes on over my head. I joined the Director’s Guild this year. Surely they must have a list of agents? I phone them. Yes, there’s a list in the directory of members, at the back. Thanks. Yes, the information was under my nose all the time. Frantic search ensues for said directory which eventually turns out to be in a box under my bed. Most people would keep porn under the bed. I keep film files. It’s come to this. Sad.

I watch some more short films made by other people and procrastinate some more. I phone the editor to see if by any slim chance Fate & Fortune can be finished. I find other people to blame rather than pushing really really hard for myself. I move in increments and yet, and yet… Jill’s career moves inspire me as does Andy’s passion for film making and other people’s reaction to what I’ve done so far. I work on some treatments for promos and kid’s television in the meantime. It’s getting there.

The quest continues.

…

November 26th:

I called the editor who’s helping with the never-ending saga of Fate & Fortune…

And I called them again today. Got the answerphone, left a message. I also tried my cousin’s husband who’s an engineer at a facilities company where they have all this fantastic edit equipment. It’s a tenuous link but, hey, what’s there to loose? I actually get through to his mobile and catch him at a railway station. He says he’ll ask around and get back to me in a couple of days although he doesn’t actually know any of the editors there.

Meanwhile I send out copies of Last Train to Slamdunk and Los Angeles International Film Festival. Thanks to Markux for giving me the gen about those. I also spend more time procrastinating by deciding to use better quality stills which involves finding the CD rom with the originals on and pulling them up in Photoshop. These are ridiculously big jpegs so that plus surfing and using MS Word is too much for the computer to handle. It generates an out of memory error and keels over a couple of times before I can reduce everything to manageable proportions.

Fun has been booked for later in the week.

Latest film update: the editor who’s helping me out called today to let me know the EDL still hasn’t been done. There wasn’t enough storage capacity on the edit suite she’s been using to load up the media. Then the other phone started ringing and I went to grab it and fell over the other phone lead, disconnecting the first call.

The second call rang off without leaving a message. I called the editor back and she says she might be able to find someone to help but doesn’t know when. Result: Fate & Fortune remains in the limbo it’s been in for the past two years. Yep, two years. Ack. Ack ack ack ack ack.

Someone from Whatever Pictures calls. These are the people who are helping me with distributing Last Train to festivals and other screenings. They want a dialogue script for some of the festivals. I email it.

So far I have no idea where the film has been sent except for a few places I’ve sent it myself. That reminds me, I thought the costs were all done with once I’d had the print made and a telecine to video was complete. I forgot about sending everything around the world–stationery, labels, ink, padded envelopes, stamps… Anyway, as soon as it gets some screening dates, I’ll post the information on the website.

Finally, I set up the PC to print out more labels for the new batch of VHS’s I made last week. After 20 minutes of searching through CD-roms I finally find the disc with the label template on. Another 30 minutes later, I discover after much searching that there are no sticky labels left in the house and I need to visit the stationers.

And so it goes on. And on. And on. I sigh and move one foot in front of the other. Whither has gone the spring in my step? Whither has gone my youth? Don’t worry, I’m just kidding. It will all get done.

I saw this poster on the London Underground today with a picture of a worried looking woman sitting next to someone wearing a giant rabbit costume. I’ve no idea what it was selling (so it failed on advertising grounds) but the caption over their heads read, ‘Just two more stops!’ Implying that the woman could escape from the bunny in two stations.

This week feels very much like that. Just two more stops, and we’ll be there. Just let me get through the week, get to the end of the film making. Why does the bunny keep following me? What do you mean there’s no bunny there? Oooo-kay.

Here’s another thing. I’ve never understood people who want to have a party with music so loud you have to scream into the ear of the person standing next to you in order to be heard. No, it’s not that I’m getting old. I’ve always thought like this. It’s partly why I enjoy dancing. Because there’s no way you can have any kind of conversation with people in that environment and so what else can you do?

Saturday, I was at a party just like this. The music was excellent but I wanted to talk to people and there was no dance floor so I left thinking, ‘What was all that about?’ It was actually a 30th birthday party for one of the people who helped make my films and it was at this really trendy bar in a very seedy part of London. There were no less than three big burly tuxedo-clad characters guarding the door and no less than half a dozen scrawny characters sleeping rough on the streets nearby.

None of it made any sense.

Fortunately, the film making thing is proceeding, although in a way that’s probably just chaotic to look at as a heaving mass of well-dressed drunk people shouting at each other in a bassbeat driven crowded plexiglass bar outside which a parade of badly dressed drunk people drifts by.

Last week I had a meeting with the guys at Whatever Pictures and they’re sending out copies of the Last Train video to festivals. It was a pretty productive meeting actually. They’ve sent it off to something called The British Council who help out with getting British made films into festivals around the world, apparently, and also can contribute a little hard cash.

I’ve pulled together my own diary of festivals from that website, together with some suggestions from my buddy Mark out in LA and elsewhere, to get a list of deadlines and have started sending out a few videos myself this week. Meanwhile, I await news of Fate & Fortune. Still no sign of the elusive EDL…

A slightly worrying thing was when I phoned the neg cutters to check the negative is still safe and sound on their shelf, where it’s been for the past few months. “Oh, yes. I expect it’s fine,” said the cheery voice on the end of the line. Expect? Expect? I wanted to hear, “Yes, it’s right here. Don’t worry about it.” Good grief, Charlie Brown! I guess I should be reassured by the fact that they at least remembered my name. Or maybe they were bluffing? Maybe the giant bunny has it? Err…

And so it goes on, around and around.

Just a few more stops.

Last Train is now finished and I have a huge pile of VHS tapes, at least ten of which are in the USA TV format (NTSC)…

I’ve sent most of them off to members of the cast and crew, plus one copy has gone to Intensity TV at KQED in California and one copy to the BBC (in the UK–yes, that little island where I live). Everyone who’s watched so far has said good things so that’s nice.

Fate & Fortune I’m still waiting for the edit decision list (EDL) to be redone. Re-cap: that’s the computer output that tells the neg cutters where to cut. I had a phone call last week from the editor who’s helping me out to apologise for not getting it done yet but hopefully she’ll be able to sort it out in the next couple of weeks.

Lastly (well, not quite–there’s more in the pipeline–but lastly for now), I’ve made a website for publicity purposes.

I have been busy getting 50 VHS copies of my film made to send out to the cast and crew–and 50 tapes make you realise how far you really live from the station when you walk home with half of them in a big bag.

I’ve also been finding out all about webhosting and preparing publicity material. I got in touch with KQED in San Francisco because they accept films from around the world and I can send them a video and I look for similar stations. I contact Whatever Pictures, the co-producers and talk to them about arranging screenings and distribution–their end of the deal as far as I’m concerned.

Plus I installed Photoshop 6.0 on my PC the other day and spent several hours last night playing around with it to make a video cover. So many new effects, so little time. Eventually I acheived something satisfactory at about 1.30am. And that means I’ve only had about three hours sleep. But…

But I discovered a really cool thing that will be of interest to practically nobody. The typeface (Blur) we used for the graphics on Last Train is a new design by cutting edge British typographer Neville Brody. Neville Brody is the ‘bad boy’ of graphic design who came to fame with his lettering work on a magazine called The Face in the eighties…

This is probably more information than anyone needs except what does it mean? Well, it means Last Train is even cooler than I thought and therefore I am cool by association. Possibly.

Okay, well here’s the latest in the film saga and life in general. In last month’s episode our friendly lab guys and girls lost the DAT containing the soundtrack for Last Train. This meant the film couldn’t be sent out to festivals or distributors as the video was mute. Our story begins this week with me returning home after a weekend away to find the following messages on the answer machine…

[beeeeep]

Pete (friend): “It’s half past five on Sunday. Elusive character aren’t you? What’ve you been up to? Been busy? Give us a call…” [I resist urge to reply with comment along the lines of ‘I’m compiling a bootleg CD made up of sampled messages but no, not really busy other than that.’]

[beeeeep]

Lucy (friend): “…I’ve just been to see A.I. and I’m in a state of shock because it’s probably one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my life. The whole audience were in tears at the end and it was tears of pain…” [a few more minutes of ranting follows and make mental note to put her straight about why A.I. is important]

[beeeeep]

Matt the Grader [the audience cheers]: “Just calling to let you know we’ve done your sound layback [hooray!]… Do you want any VHS’s? [cries of yes! yes!]… the invoice cost is �496.16 including VAT…”

Woah there!

The invoice cost is how much? We agreed on a price of �185 plus �22.60 tape stock plus �40 for the sound layback plus tax (VAT). How, pray tell, did the final price double? I phone the lab. Of course, Matt’s at lunch. I ask for the nice Ted character who initially quoted for the project. He’s off sick. I twiddle my thumbs.

Some time later, I call back. “Oh,” says Matt, “apparently they’ve charged you for two hours telecine grading instead of one.” I reply, “It was maybe an hour ten at the most.” He responds, “Well there is set up time outside that… When can you come in?” I interject: “Er, I don’t think you understand. I don’t have �496 [lie]. I have budgetted for no more than �300. We need to discuss this.” Matt: “Oh, okay. I’ll get the person responsible to call you back.”

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Certainly not interrupted by the phone ringing. I have enough time to reflect that the telecine grade probably took an hour and a quarter tops–not two hours. They kept me waiting so it started five minutes late anyway. The set up happened while I was there. And the telecine grader spent at least ten minutes trying to get a colour channel to work that just wouldn’t. Plus that’s on top of them losing the DAT and wasting a month. So I figure the two hour invoice is a leetle teensy bit cheeky.

I call the lab back the next day. Without a hint of irony, Matt asks, “Didn’t they call you back? Hang on, I’ll put you through…” [time passes, continents form, life evolves, the deadlines for the European Film Festival and Sundance pass into history] Matt returns: “They don’t seem to be around at the moment. I’ll get them to give you a ring this morning.” And of course they don’t.

And that brings us to today.

So, in short, I am an elusive character who doesn’t return all his messages, opinions vary on A.I. and I *still* don’t have Last Train on video. Which means I can’t get it shown anywhere. Which means I am no further forward. And the lab wants more money for the part of the job where *they* caused the most problems.

Meanwhile, a large chunk of Manhattan lies buried under a pile of smouldering rubble brought about by an incomprehensible form of hatred for life and freedom and the world has very definitely changed. Is Last Train anything anyone needs or wants or desires in the context of that? Maybe it says something about life and hatred too. Maybe it doesn’t. I don’t really know the answers to any of these things.

I guess I just keep putting one foot in front of the other so yesterday I also phoned the editor who’s helping out with Fate & Fortune. They’re re-doing the EDL–the only thing needed before finalising the graphics and getting the negative cut. They tell me that it could be–possibly, perhaps–done this coming weekend.

Yeah, right. Fat chance. I know, I know–it’s all favours favours favours. Still, somehow the prospect of finishing actually does buoy my spirits a little and I think of changing the end credits to read ‘copyright 2002’ which will mean I can enter it into next year’s festivals. In other words, I keep going. And that is always enough.

…

Woah. Never mind all that. I just came off the phone to the lab and explained to them about the telecine costs and that I’d only had an hour and ten minutes at the most and blah blah blah. So they gave me the story of the operator filling in the timesheet and “it’s always right” and “we’ve never had a problem before”. I argue. Of course.

Eventually the person on the end of the phone (the accountant, I think) gets bored. She suggests we call it an hour and a quarter and will adjust the invoice accordingly. I breathe a sigh of relief. And I continue to regale her with tales of the lost DAT and why I’m feeling like their company is not the wonderful experience–except for the nice operational staff–that I thought it might be.

I listen patiently and understandingly while she tells me this has never happened before. I only mention once that the rerecording mixer had the same problem with the same lab only a couple of months ago. I don’t repeat that again but do add that I’ve missed the European Film Festival and Sundance. Eventually she decides to give in and adjust the invoice so it’s back to the rate for one hour. Total: �279.18. Result.

I’ll be picking the DigiBeta up tomorrow.

From Dolby’s website, I glean a whole heap of interesting information. Including the following…

Dolby SR = Dolby Spectral Recording
This is analog (as opposed to digital) sound. It is recorded next to the sprocket holes and the picture on a negative. Four channels of sound–front, centre, left and surround (LCRS)–can be mixed and encoded as two channels on the final film print. The surround track refers to one channel of sound that comes from the side and/or rear speaker or speakers.

Dolby SRD = Dolby Spectral Recording Digital
This is (wait for it) digital sound. It is recorded between the sprocket holes adjacent to the analog tracks. If it fails, the sound automatically switches to the analog Dolby SR recording. Up to six channels (5.1) are recorded–front left, front right, surround (side and rear) left, surround (side and rear) right, centre and low frequencies (0.1 of a track as played back by the subwoofer)–in a digital surround mix.

What have I got on Last Train? Dolby SR. ie. an analog surround sound mix, with LCRS tracks encoded as Dolby. That’s on the 35mm print. The video, of course, still has no sound because the DAT is still missing. The latest is that they are going to try to make a new DAT using the sound on the 35mm print. I will go in and listen to see if it’s okay.

Points: the print HAS got surround sound. The lab tells me one thing and then another and then another. The master sound mix is still missing…

What have I got on Fate & Fortune? A non-Dolby mix with LCR tracks and no surround.

Points: Will it make a difference? Will anyone care? More importantly I need to (a) phone the lab to make sure it will play out on theater systems if it’s not Dolby encoded and (b) I need to make sure I get at least two back-up copies of the DAT made before I give it to the next lab. If (a) turns out to be impossible, then we are back to getting it mixed again…

…

September 5th

Good news: I had a phone call from the rerecording mixer this morning to say he has found the master tape for Last Train and can make a new DAT for the lab people. There is much rejoicing.

The lab finishing Last Train has done the 35mm print and the telecine is done. All that’s remaining is to relay the sound back from DAT to the Digital Betacam videotape. The lab calls. They have lost the DAT.

Yes. They have lost the freaking DAT.

I phone the sound guy–this was last week–he was on holiday. I finally track him down today. I tell him of lost DAT. He goes to look for master sound mix. He phones me back. He cannot find it. He has everything but. In other words, master sound mix is lost too. Let me repeat, both master copies of the sound mix are lost! Not to worry, says sound man. He has premix tapes. We can remix it.

Hahahahahaha. Remix it. That is freaking hysterical.

Remix the soundtrack… I phone the lab and tell them they *must* find the tape and why. They suggest pulling the sound back off the optical neg. I tell them that is stereo and if I want surround mix later it will require the DAT. If I want any further prints, it will require DAT. I do not want recopied sound put on to videotape either as that may end up as distribution master for television. They go to have another look.

To clarify: I cannot get film distributed without videotape. Videotape is not complete without sound. Sound is lost. This could take weeks. Film is finished and yet it could take weeks before anyone can see it.

Words cannot describe how freaking angry I am.

…

So I phone up one of the writers of Last Train and I tell him the saga of trying to get the film finished. Two years since we shot it. I finish with, “…and now the sound people have lost the master soundtrack as well, so we might have to remix it.” His comment on the whole process: “This is like some bad Japanese game show.”

Next week on Let’s Break The Director — How to remake an EDL using only the tools found in your kitchen while the real editor is out of the country for five months.

This is a classic graphic novel written by Neil Gaiman, a British author, who also wrote the Sandman series. It was one of the most popular adult-oriented graphic novels in the nineties with 300,000 copies sold and is about the idea of Death being a person, an attractive young woman, who takes a day off and visits with ordinary folk.

I really loved this book. It’s beautifully innocent yet timelessly wise, full of wry observations and gentle hope for life. So I’ve just spent some time tracking down information about it on the net with the naive idea that I’d like to option it some time to make a movie. Buying an option means buying the exclusive right to buy the full intellectual property rights at some time within the specified option period.

Death as a character has always fascinated me. It’s one of the strange themes linking the Tanith Lee books–which I know not everyone likes–and also Terry Pratchett who, conversely, isn’t my cup of tea. At all. Nevertheless, I have a very clear idea of how I’d make The High Cost of Living as a film and it’s one of those things I know I could do better than anyone else.

However, it turns out Warner Brothers already have an option on making it as a feature and Mr Gaiman is writing a script with the idea of directing it himself. There’s a comment on one website I found that he sees it as a 15 minute film. I’d rather it was longer and think it easily could be. I wonder if when Warners’ option expires, if they’re actually doing anything and what NG is thinking of doing with the story.

I have no idea what any of this would cost, of course. Ignorance is bliss.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned from the mutant pancake that turned out good in the end…

Get the best possible script. Plan everything in as much detail as possible. You’re going to spend months looking at the same things over and over in post-production so why not do that in pre-production as well. Don’t worry about getting permission for everything–it’s not always necessary; some things can be shot on the run.

Cast the actors who stand out at audition and who have the acting ability to make it work. Rehearse them as much as possible.

Don’t offer to pay anyone’s expenses but do organise catering. Don’t try to direct AND produce anything longer than ten minutes. Appoint a production designer to sort out the art department for you.

You can shoot film at 24 frames per second but sound runs on DAT at 25 frames per second because it’s going to be postproduced at that speed. Complex huh? Even more complex in the USA, I’d guess where TV runs at some other speed.

Music makes a huge difference to the finished product. Spend time on it.

Short films can be in stereo. Surround sound is nice. It sounds great in your living room with a DVD, but it isn’t absolutely essential. The stereo mix on Last Train sounds absolutely superb. Which means… you can trust what your own ears tell you! This also applies to Dolby. Dolby wasn’t absolutely essential. I’ve been recording cassettes for years with Dolby switched off to get ‘brighter’ sounding recordings.

Where is this leading us? Yes, many of those discussions with the rerecording mixer of Fate & Fortune were blind alleys. She did know what she was doing. Here’s another thing she got totally right: the volume of some of the effects (like traffic noise) will need to be quite high in some places because the music is loud in those places.

And every track needs to be layed down in a particular way for a surround mix. I had this discussion with her yesterday in fact. We were talking about High Fidelity and I was saying that the music comes out of the surround speakers on my DVD. She mentioned she’d done the ADR on that film so I asked her about the music. The answer: feature films go back to the music recording and re-master it. Now that’s a lot of serious money!

Oh, by the way, we did the final sound mix of Fate & Fortune yesterday and it is fantastic. I am really really pleased with it. It’s actually an LCRS (left, centre, right, surround) recording with the surround switched off and it will be put on the film in stereo. It won’t be Dolby. No one will know.

Everything I wanted included has been included. The rerecording mixer did a wonderful job and we literally flew along with everything once we got going. All the required sound effects are there plus some extras where we got creative in the mix. The dialogue all sounds great. The music balances with the atmosphere perfectly. Seriously, no complaints!

People keep saying to me the quality of everything about Fate & Fortune is award winning. Well, we’ll see. I wonder if anyone will understand it? Meanwhile, EDL to be sorted out next and then the neg cut…