Last night we had people round for drinks. Okay, it was a party. And it was a fine party to boot. I think I may have said various ridiculous and/or innappropriate things throughout the evening. I can’t be sure but I think I can remember…

K: “This is Basil. Sorry, did I say Basil? It’s Stuart. He looks a bit like a Basil.”

J: “I’m the fifth child in a family of nine.”
K: “Oo! You should talk to Pat. He’s Catholic too!”

K: “Mmmmm… peanut M&Ms!”
followed by
K: “Mmmmm… single malt!”

J: “Well, hello there!”
K: “Greetings! You know, I felt a tingling in my pocket and I thought, ‘Aha! Jim Selleck!'”

D: “Thank you for having me.”
K: “Did I have you?”

K: “Are you drinking a rum and mango?”
L: “What’s a rubber mango?”
K: “I find, Americans, can understand me better, if I talk, like, Michael Caine.”

K: “Hey, nice bracelet. Is that a cock ring?”