Do a long in-depth tarot reading. Spend plenty of time meditating on the meanings of each card in turn whilst listening to a Medwyn Goodall CD of Celtic music and burning something called ‘Feng-Shui Fire’ in the oil burner. Spin the tarot out for around an hour and a half with other activities (see below) between each card.

Find pine needles still in the carpet from Christmas and pick them out. Follow this up by hoovering every room in the house. And the blinds. And under the bed. Then the book shelves too. Log on and check emails. Leave PC online to keep coming back for emails. Remember to put out the candle in the oil burner once the fumes start making your eyes water and there’s just a thin layer of moisture left in the bowl.

Sort out those many many piles of post, paperwork and magazines that have kept getting shunted to one side and are now all around the kitchen, on the living room table, on the bedroom windowsill and in the hall where you keep tripping over them. This can be made into an activity for the whole day by taking one piece of paper at a time and binning it, then having a cup of tea or something similar.

Eat cake and watch Star Trek Voyager. Reply to an email. Visit a couple of websites. Try to avoid the internet and the Motley Fool discussion boards because that would suck you in but you go there anyway. Discipline yourself not to indulge the posting compulsion.

Find more pine needles and vacuum the television, the PC and various bookshelves. Sort out old Christmas cards and see if there’s anyone who you really should have got in touch with this year. Wonder who has signed themselves ‘Julie’ out of the five Julies you know, especially as it’s the funniest card out of the lot and she’s put ‘It’s been ages!’. Make a pile of these essential things to look at later and place to one side on the sofa.

Start a load of laundary. Also do some cooking and washing up. Find extra things to wash up like incense bottles, salt cellars and a wok which really doesn’t need washing but who cares? Put the wok in the oven because the cupboard is full. Forget about this when cooking later. Wonder where the smell of baking plastic is coming from after the oven has been warming up for 15 minutes. Double double check the oil burner then assume it’s probably drying clothes toasting on a radiator. Suddenly remember the wok and remove it wearing oven gloves.

Eat tagliatelli carbonara. Find a few more pine needles. Sit around in the big chair and admire how clean and tidy everything looks. Spot a load of receipts from recent trip to the States and resolve to ‘deal with them later’. Reward yourself with a beer for having created such a lovely place to live and watch Dark Angel before finally giving in to the temptation to post something on the net.

(Okay, actually, I did do some writing today, but that’s another story for another day.)