Gary and Terry downstairs have bought the blue Suzuki jeep from the girl down the block. That’s the same car which the mad woman smashed up by driving it into someone’s front porch over the road here. That’s the same car which they then tried to dump over in a dodgy estate (aka ‘Beirut’ to those living nearby) while they appeared to be scamming an insurance claim. That’s the same car I had a mystery phone call about a few weeks back, apparently from a finance company which wanted to know if I’d seen the car because it hasn’t been paid for.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I think maybe I’ll cut the tree down after all. What the hell.